Colombo, Satire

LTTE offers tax break to Sri Lankan businesses

Banyan News Reporters

by a Special Foreign Correspondent for Banyan News Reporters

London (February 21st) – Two Grammy Award winning paper planes of the Liberation Tigers of Tamil Ealam (LTTE) crashed in Colombo last night, killing two people and injuring 58 others according to our sources in Sri Lanka. The first plane exploded into the Inland Revenue Department building while the other one was reportedly shot down near Katunayake when its pilot’s identity was mistaken for a prominent journalist.

Moments after the attack, the pro-LTTE web media quoted Alan Greenspillai, the finance secretary of the banned terrorist organisation, who claimed that their mission was to give Sri Lankan businesses a tax break. “We want to encourage small and medium businesses to reinvest their tax savings on capital infrastructure and productivity gains to boost to the lagging economy during these tough economic conditions” he said.

The government defence spokesman pointed out that, with the tiger air-threat almost certainly entirely eliminated, citizens of Sri Lanka now have a real chance of not only winning the next Cricket World Cup under a stronger captain, but also of being able to watch the final game without any interruptions.

Our sources have confirmed that the Sri Lankan military had intercepted the radio communications between pilots and their command centre in Mulativu. One of the kamikaze-style pilots who was reportedly using a pocket torch to navigate his plane is said to have remarked that Energizer batteries are definitely more longer lasting than Eveready while the other had radioed back a vague remark about the absolute certainty of death and taxes.