Dear Majesty,

My name is Silva. The Silva. I am common man. Very common. So common I am always voting for your Majesty and Your Majesty’s government. However, please be notified that I am only giving the back part of my name. Front part I am keeping to myself due to security reasons. I am also begging Your Majesty to be excusing my English. I am The Silva. Not The Pieris.

First of all, please be understanding that when I am saying ‘opened letter’ I am not meaning letter I am writing for the consumption of the public like some foolish peoples are writing nowadays. When I am saying ‘opened’ I am meaning truly and really ‘opened’ because every letter I am writing my wife is opening before putting the stamps (and sometimes after putting the stamps also). She is not very readable, going only up to the fifth grade and because of this some peoples are even saying she is qualified to be minister of the literature. That is totally for Your Majesty to be considering later. But ever since she is catching me writing letter to somebody else’s wife she is wanting to open every letter I am writing, to see whose wife I am writing to this time. This is why she is opening this letter also. Please be excusing me and her also, because I am having only one wife that is my own.

Second of all, please also be taking into note that I am not responsible for anything in this letter that is sounding like the criticism of Your Majesty’s government. I am only saying what other peoples are saying. Therefore, if your Majesty is knowing somebody who is knowing somebody who is sending van, car or even mini bus to be picking up peoples to be taken away to be treated with electricity, massage or water therapy please be notified that I am not eligible for those tours. Everything bad I am saying in this letter about Your Majesty’s government is hearsayings.

I am wanting to be writing this letter five years ago, as soon as you are killing the Prabhakaran and bringing the whole and entire island under one roof and household, ushering a brand new era to the country, so brand new that we are starting to be calling that year the Year of Our Lord. But some peoples are discouraging me then, saying it is better to be waiting for a few years, maybe five years and then be writing because usually we are checking progress of things every five years. For example, the cancer. I am getting very offensive and asking are you saying Our Majesty’s government is like the cancer and these peoples are saying no, no, not at all, the Prabhakaran is the cancer and Our Majesty is like the radiation that is killing the cancer. But even with the radiation there is some effect on the side. Sometimes hair is falling, sometimes teeth are falling. Sometimes things that are meant to be falling are not falling properly or not at all. So better to be waiting and seeing, they are saying.

Now after waiting five years these same peoples are saying that radiation is having very bad effect. Peoples are living in fear they are saying. Peoples are always looking over their shoulders because the army is looking at their backsides. The whole island is militarified. Soldiers everywhere, even in the vegetable shop selling the coconut and the pumpkin. There is no democracy and the rights of the peoples are taken away one by one. No laws, only orders. Not only Tamils but Muslims are also now becoming the enemies of the Sinhalese, calling the government racist. The royal family is playing with the moneys of the people, taking their lands and houses to build hotel and resort. They are laughing and calling your brother the Gota – who is winning the war one-handed – the Lord of all the land he surveys because he is all the time surveying prime lands to become their lord. They are even calling Your Majesty’s government an NGO, a Non-Governing organisation.

As I am saying earlier these are not my own opinions but the opinions of other peoples. They are probably and most possibly taking the briberies of the NGOs and imperialistic hegemonies to make Your Majesty’s government look nasty and bad. I am in total and complete disbelief of this. This is why I am writing to tell Your Majesty that there is nothing wrong with your government no matter what these peoples are saying. During the last five years Your Majesty is turning this nation around (and around) so much that we are not even knowing which way we are turning anymore. Please allow me to be explaining some of these great achievements of Your Majesty’s government.

First, I am wanting to be pointing out to these peoples who are complaining that they are even able to be making these accusations only because Your Majesty is killing the most cruel and despicable Prabhakaran and bringing the country under one roof and umbrella. Are they not remembering the time when bombs are going off and peoples are killing each other? Is that happening anymore? Nowadays the only shooting is happening when people under the influence of imperialistic forces are demanding unnecessary luxuries like the purified water or when criminals are desperately trying to show off how well they can be hiding their guns (or when they are climbing up to the rooftop of the prison and praying to be shot). No more bombs going off in buses and shopping centres or (untinetionally) falling off aeroplanes on to the hospitals. No more multi-barrels accidentally going off in the direction of refugee camps. Only demolition is taking place when the Gota is surveying the land and seeing the hut where hotel should be and telling the bulldozer to go forth and flatten.

The whole country is united. Roads are going everywhere, even to places they should not be going. We are having too many divisions before; previously so many different families are having the power but now only Your Majesty’s family is having the power to be doing whatever to whoever you are liking – or not liking. Everywhere you are looking, there is a Rajapakse doing something to somebody. Nobody is saying nothing because if you are saying anything you are becoming nobody very soon and very hard to find also. The leader of the opposition is also with the government and so is the leader of the opposition to the leader of the opposition. The media is also united and completely and totally on your lap-top. Your Majesty can be walking around in your birthday suit in broad daylight and they will be saying oh my god, is this the latest fashion that is coming to the wonder of the Asian side and then taking off their own clothes to become like Your Majesty while your Majesty is smiling like the radiant sun and patting them on the backside because you are always wanting to be having that common touch.

There is happiness everywhere. People are singing, even if it is mostly the national anthem and only in the Sinhalese. And the children are playing. Of course they are mostly your children, the Namal, the Yoshitha and the other one, kicking the rugby ball and slapping the referee and driving the expensive car in the middle of the night lit like a Vesak Pandal. But more and more children are now joining the games, for the example the children of the ministers and the provincial council people all beginning to play without any fear of anybody stopping them. Can they be playing like this if the Parabhakaran was alive? Can they? One day, I am sure, we will all be able to be play together, happily rolling in the dust raised by the feet of Your Majesty’s children.

I am also not understanding why the big noise about the law and the order. If anything we are having too many laws and orders now. Even the Maha Sangha is coming forward to be giving the orders to the people. What to wear and how to wear, where to wear what and where to build what, which animals to be eating and which animal not to be sacrificing. You only have to be looking at the faces of the police officers to be seeing how joyful they are that the donkey is doing the dog’s work while all they are having to be doing is walking around looking cheerful in their uniforms and breaking the heads of anybody not covered by the insurance policies of the Ministry of the Defence. It is very laughable and hilarious also if the Muslim peoples are having the problem with this. This is very much like what their own Taliban is doing, is it not? They must be understanding that they are living in Buddhist country. If you are wanting Muslim Taliban, I am very happy to be saying to the Ulamas, go to the Muslim country. Islamic country Islamic Taliban, Buddhist country Buddhist Taliban.

And what is this nonsense about the Tamil people not being happy? Our Majesty, having conquered and killed the Prabhakaran is then coming over with the remorse like the Asoka and he is now trying to be just like the demon he is killing, day by day, in his behaviours and attitudes also. The Tamils who are worshipping the Prabhakaran before should be happy and glad also to be getting the opportunity to be worshipping Our Majesty just like we are doing. They are getting another one, just like the other one. The modern history of the Sri Lanka is very simple: In the beginning there was the Thing. The Thing is called the Prabhkaran. Then there comes another Thing. It is called the Mahinda. The Other Thing is killing the Thing. Now we have no Thing but there is another Thing. This is the story of our land. It is always one thing or another. It is good to be keeping things simple, even history. If you are wanting to live in this land please accept it. If not go to the Geneva.

Furthermore and moreover, it is also very foolish for the Tamils to be calling your Majesty racist because Your Majesty is not sharing the powers with them. Your Majesty is treating all the races equally. Is Your Majesty sharing the power with anybody except your family? I am not thinking so. Are the Sinhalese complaining? I am not thinking so either. If the Sinhalese are not complaining why the Tamils jumping up and down? In my humble opinion that is sounding like the racism to me, demanding the preferential treatment.

And what is this nonsense about living in fear? About militarification coming after unification? It is very, very true that the army is doing many things in the country. Building the roads, selling the coconuts and the pumpkins, carrying the sand bag for the Namal’s nightly racings. This is not militarification of the country. It is common sense. It is not easy to be running the whole country when you are having only your family to be running it with. This is why your Majesty is asking the Army to be coming forward to be helping with the day to day affairs of the island nation Your Majesty’s family is saving from the demon. And if the army is looking at the people’s backsides when they are not carrying the coconut and the sandbag that is because they are wanting to be knowing if the people are truly happy. And of course, the peoples are always looking over their shoulders – and sometime under their shoulders also. This is not because they are in fear. This is because they are wanting to be seeing if the Army is doing their job. In the modern nation that Your Majesty is creating this is called perfect harmony: not you are scratching my backside and I am scratching yours but your are watching my backside and I am watching over my shoulder.

Some peoples are these days very happy that the Geneva is passing the resolution against Your Majesty’s government . So what? This is not the first time. Two times in the past also they are passing resolution but is Your Majesty going anywhere? No. Your Majesty is quietly having your own resolution to becoming bolder and bolder and continuing to be doing whatever you are liking to whoever you are liking. As Your Majesty is saying only the peoples of this country can be changing the government, not the peoples of another country. And as long as the peoples of this country are watching over their shoulders and the army is watching their backsides Your Majesty has nothing to be fearing.

Therefore and because of this, on this fifth anniversary of the defeating of the Prabhakaran and conquering of the whole and entire nation, Your Majesty can be resting easily knowing that you have done a good job with what you are conquering. There will always be one or two fools left over from the van tours to be yapping at Your Majesty. Let the barking dogs continue to be barking. Your Majesty just keep biting the country until the entire and whole island is inside Your Majesty’s belly and the complains of the misguided peoples are nothing but merely a burp coming out of Your Highness’ holy mouth.

Yours sincerely and faithfully also,

The Silva

PS: After opening and reading this letter my wife is asking me why she is not being made the minister of the Literature and why is it that The Pieris and not The Silva who is going to the Geneva Side to be defending Your Majesty’s government from the imperialistic hegemonies. I am hoping Your Majesty is giving this proposal serious considerations in your family discussions as I am sure as you are already knowing, the bulldozer that is flattening the slums is nothing compared to an angry wife.



This article is part of a  larger collection of articles and content commemorating five years after the end of war in Sri Lanka. An introduction to this special edition by the Editor of Groundviews can be read here. This, and all other articles in the special edition, is published under a Creative Commons license that allows for republication with attribution.