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Breaking news: BNR discovers through CNN poll that International Community undecided on intervening in Sri Lanka

Banyan News Reporters

12 May 2009, Colombo, Sri Lanka: The International Community is expressing its concern over the deaths of thousands of civilians including at least one hundred children who are caught between the crossfire as fighting raged between the Sri Lankan Armed Forces and the Liberation Tigers of Tamil Elam (LTTE) an internationally proscribed terrorist outfit. In light of the recent developments in the tiny island off the southern tip of India, a recent survey conducted by CNN on whether the International Community should intervene in the conflict has produced an inconclusive and convoluted set of results.

A Brazilian farmer whose coffee beans where brewed at the recent UN security council meeting told CNN that the International Community should intervene to limit Sri Lanka’s Tea exports while in the neighbouring Caribbean island of Jamaika, polers reported that the sky had turned a deep purplish blue and mumbled incomprehensibly.

Further north, a member of the International Community running working for Lockheed Martin in New Mexico, United States said that the International Community should definitely intervene in Sri Lanka to find out whether any of the warring parties have been disadvantaged by the US policy of not providing weapons to Sri Lanka. He emphasised that the use of more sophisticated weapons and munitions instead of the cheep Chinese built weapons and old Soviet machinery being used in the conflict, could minimise collateral damage and arming the civilians is the best way to reduce civilian casualties under the circumstances.

Another member of the International Community in Zambia who was happy that he had outlived the average life expectancy in the country of 38.59 years by a full year and 43 days, thus living as long as any Zimbabwean (other than Robert Mugabe) is expected to live, said he would give moral support to any intervention in Sri Lanka but declined to come himself.

Australians unanimously voted in favour of an International intervention to prevent Muththiah Muralidharan from playing international Cricket, while citizens in Madagascar and Timbuktu remained apathetic.

Members of the International Community in Burma were not allowed by its Military Junta to participate in the poll while citizens of Libya and Iran were strongly encouraged by their governments to vote against any intervention by the International Community in the affairs of a sovereign state.

Members of the International Community in Sri Lanka were themselves undecided about the need for Intervention over civilian deaths. The growing consensus among excise and health officials was that the sale of illicit liquor and the butchering of animals over the Wesak holiday period was a bigger concern.

Nearly a billion members of the International Community were unable to respond to the survey because they were illiterate while another 1.6 billion people did get to know about the survey because they did not have electricity. Tens of thousands of members of the International Community around the world, including over thirty thousand children under the age of 5, died of starvation soon after responding to the survey within the last 24 hours.