Banyan News Reporters

17 March 2009, Colombo, Sri Lanka: Tasty Chocolate Manufacturers Pvt Limited is being investigated for assisting the LTTE’s aerial attack on Colombo on February 20 according to sources within the security forces. More than ten bars of chocolate were found in the LTTE plane shot down over Katunayake while investigations are being carried out on the wreckage of the second plane which crashed into the Inland Revenue Building to prove that Tasty Chocolate was being carried in both planes.

“That both pilots had Tasty Chocolate shows that the Company is aiding and abetting terrorism” a reliable source from the security division told Banyan Newswire, noting that “We believe the Company provided the LTTE with chocolate as a high energy substitute for the tastier but severely depleted BP-100 rations from the UN.”

Banyan News did try to contact the Tasty Company but their number was engaged so we did not pursue this further as it is a pro-terrorist entity and we are a patriotic news service.

A source from the Ministry of Processed Foods under which confectionary companies fall noted that Tasty Chocolate Company was a legitimate chocolate manufacturer but there had been questions raised over the popularity of its chocolates in the East, prompting investigations into its ingredients for trace elements of cyanide or anthrax.

The source at the Ministry added that there had been no unjustifiable ties between the Minister for Processed Food, Mr. Tilak Peiris and the company. He stated that there is no evidence that Mr Peiris’s youngest daughter’s 18th birthday was sponsored by Tasty Chocolate. “They just gave the Minister lots of chocolates. But we know the Minister is occasionally diabetic and not easily influenced. We don’t think he even ate a single bar.”

News of the investigations sent shock waves among other confectionary companies. “All that is required is for one bad apple and then it’s very difficult to sell the barrel” stated the CEO of a leading chocolate and biscuit company who did not wish to be identified. “We will all be under watch now” he added. Directors of other leading confectionary companies would not comment on the story but informed Banyan News that their patriotism is clearly seen in all their products.  Some, they said had the Sri Lankan flag on the wrapper and others were shaped like guns, aimed at developing national fervor among children.

“It is time for all chocolates to be patriotic” said newly appointed Minister for Sweet Snacks, Mithapala Joseph saying that “This attempt to brain wash innocent children and susceptible adults through chocolates needs to be condemned. Terrorism takes various forms. We need to be vigilant against all infiltrating substances, especially darker chocolates”.