Photo courtesy of World Bank
Every year on the second Sunday of May Mother’s Day rolls around complete with soft focus advertisements, heartfelt social media tributes and the ceremonial gifting of flowers and breakfast in bed. At first glance, this celebration of mothers appears innocent, even noble. But if we scratch beneath the surface, we begin to see something more insidious: a powerful mechanism of manufactured consent, reinforcing a hegemonic narrative of motherhood rooted in sacrifice, suffering and self-erasure.
Much like the broader patriarchy it serves, the celebration of the “Good Mother™” does not rely solely on coercion. It doesn’t need to. It is effective precisely because it relies on consent – a consent that is not freely given but cultivated, socialized and normalized from childhood onwards. The social construction of the ideal mother is one of patriarchy’s most successful ideological triumphs.
Sacrifice as virtue or virtue as a trap
From pregnancy to parenting, mothers are expected to sacrifice their time, their sleep, their careers, their bodies and their autonomy. Rather than framing this suffering as a structural failure, society dresses it up as moral triumph. In doing so, it sets a near impossible standard for women while also depoliticizing their exhaustion. A mother who is tired, overwhelmed and unsupported is not seen as someone in need of help or systemic change; she is simply doing what Good Mothers™ do.
By celebrating this sacrifice, society effectively normalizes it. It becomes the standard by which mothers are judged. And those who refuse to play the part whether by setting boundaries, pursuing their own goals or opting out of motherhood entirely are cast as “selfish,” “cold” or “unwomanly.” The spectrum is narrow; you are either nurturing, ever-giving and endlessly patient or you are a failure.
This isn’t just social pressure; it is structural hegemony. Women are taught to see themselves through the lens of this ideal long before they even become mothers. The Good Mother™ is not just glorified – she is internalized. And that is how patriarchy secures consent.
The myth of the maternal instinct
The belief that women are naturally more nurturing, more emotionally intelligent and more attuned to their children’s needs is one of the foundational myths that upholds maternal hegemony. But this idea has no biological basis. Yes, there are hormonal changes during pregnancy and postpartum but the leap from that to the belief that “mother knows best” is ideological, not scientific.
This ideology serves two purposes. First, it reinforces the idea that motherhood is a woman’s destiny, a role she is biologically designed to fulfill. Second, it renders fathers secondary by design not by circumstance. If mothers are inherently better caregivers,then fathers are naturally incompetent or at best “helpers.”
This belief is not benign. It allows systems – governments, workplaces, even extended families -to abdicate responsibility. It justifies unpaid labor. It underwrites policies that deny or limit paternal leave. It explains why so many parenting resources are aimed solely at mothers and why parenting failures are almost always attributed to maternal inadequacy.
It ensures that when things go wrong, women blame themselves. That is perhaps the most tragic element of hegemonic motherhood: the way it turns suffering into self-blame. “If I were a better mother, my child wouldn’t struggle.” “If I were more present, my partner would help more.” “If I were less ambitious, I’d have more time for my family.”
Celebrating Mother’s Day, silencing mothers
Mother’s Day itself is a brilliant example of how patriarchy performs benevolence. On this one day, we thank mothers for all they do but we don’t ask why they have to do so much in the first place. We do not ask why parenting isn’t equally shared. We do not ask why so many mothers are unsupported, overwhelmed or alone.
Instead, we perform appreciation as a way of disarming critique. Mother’s Day becomes the annual ritual where we collectively say, “You’re doing great!” and then expect them to get back to quietly doing everything. The praise becomes a pacifier. The flowers become a distraction. The sentiment becomes a substitute for support.
In this way, Mother’s Day is not just a celebration; it is an ideological containment strategy. It praises the very things that should outrage us. It turns systemic injustice into personal virtue.
The price of consent
The cost of this manufactured consent is not borne only by mothers; it is borne by everyone. When women are pushed into exclusive roles as caregivers, men are denied access to their own emotional landscapes. Fathers are alienated from the parenting process not because they are uninterested but because they have been told it is not their domain. When they do try to participate, they are met with scepticism, or worse, praise for doing the bare minimum.
Moreover, by centering motherhood as the highest expression of womanhood, society marginalizes women who are childfree by choice or circumstance. These women are treated with suspicion or pity as though their lives are somehow incomplete. This reinforces the idea that a woman’s worth is tied to her capacity to give to children, to partners and to society.
This is not a celebration. This is a trap, expertly disguised as honor.
Women as enforcers of the hegemony
The most effective hegemonies don’t just impose norms from the top down, they are enforced laterally and internally. Women themselves are often the gatekeepers of Good Motherhood™, shaming or ostracizing those who do not conform. Think of the playground politics, the online mom shaming, the subtle (or not so subtle) judgments passed on working mothers, stay at home mothers, formula feeders and screen users.
These internal conflicts aren’t about individual failings; they are symptoms of systemic manipulation. When you force people into narrow roles and then leave them unsupported, they turn on each other. Judgment becomes a way to validate one’s own suffering. “If I had to sacrifice everything, then so should you.” This is how the hegemony perpetuates itself.
While men are often seen as the architects of patriarchy, women are frequently its administrators not because they are inherently oppressive but because they, too, have been trained to believe that this is what goodness, love and femininity look like.
Reclaiming motherhood from the patriarchy
So where do we go from here? Do we reject motherhood? Do we cancel Mother’s Day? Do we deny that mothering can be beautiful, powerful and fulfilling?
Of course not.
The goal is not to destroy motherhood but to liberate it, to strip it of the coercive expectations that make it a burden rather than a choice. We must be able to celebrate mothers without glorifying their suffering. We must be able to honor maternal love without insisting it be all consuming. And we must recognize that good parenting is not gendered, that nurture, presence and sacrifice are human capacities not feminine obligations.
This also means changing our institutions: Equal parental leave, flexible work schedules, affordable childcare, shared domestic responsibilities, comprehensive sex education and the deconstruction of gendered expectations in schools, media and homes.
It means asking new questions; not “How does she do it all?” but “Why must she do it all?” Not “What makes a good mother?” but “What makes a just system in which people can parent equitably and joyfully?”
It means replacing the manufactured consent of hegemonic motherhood with genuine choice. To be a mother or not. To be full of love or full of rage or somewhere in between. To parent in a way that reflects your values and your reality not someone else’s fantasy.
The hegemony of the patriachy thrives through stories – stories like the Good Mother™, stories that seem benign but are anything but. It is only by questioning these narratives and the systems that uphold them that we begin to recover not just the rights of mothers but the humanity of us all.
So this Mother’s Day, go ahead, buy the flowers, write the card, make the breakfast. But also ask: What would it mean to love mothers enough to change the world that demands so much from them?