Colombo, Human Rights, Satire

Dial a White Van for a pest-free life!

Banyan News Reporters

Baynan News Commercial

Dial a White Van for a pest-free life!
Coldline: 0666 911 911

Have you just been outsmarted, outwitted or plain debunked by a smart alec academic?

Or is that nosy journalist probing your ministry, department or company seriously threatening your nest egg project or retirement plan?

Or you simply can’t stand the sight of your neighbour (or colleague, or batchmate) doing better than you in life?

Don’t just sulk there – do something!

Just tell us your worries and let us take care of it all. Try our fully air-conditioned, ISO-certified, state award-winning pest control service.

Once available exclusively to VIPs, we have just expanded to serve the whole nation.

We offer several packages:

  • White Van Light: Just abduct, rough up, threaten and return home – with tongue firmly tied. No blood spilled.
  • White Van Medium: All the above – plus 5 fingernails (you get to choose) and ransom extracted.
  • White Van Ultimate: No trace, no questions, no more pests in your life!

Home pick up and delivery options negotiable for White Van Light and White Van Medium packages.

Sleep well tonight. Awake to a life free of bugs.

Call 0666 911 911 for rates and details.

White van solution for a nation green with envy or red with rage!