by Global Citizen for Banyan News Reporters
Colombo, Sri Lanka: With the drawn out military campaign against terrorism in its last phase, the Sri Lankan government has taken a decision to divert the country’s defence budget to fund science & technology, education and research. Economists point out that the move will power the Sri Lankan economy out of it’s recent set-backs and place Sri Lanka right at the centre of the world map â€“ a position it had secured millions of years ago thanks to a geological phenomenon called ‘plate tectonics’.
In its fresh forays into the world of high energy particle physics, the Sri Lankan military boxed up the LTTE in a 10km X 20km area in the country’s northern Vanni region. Their mission was to carry out a literal re-enactment of a thought experiment proposed by Erwin SchrÃ¶dinger in 1935 that is widely known as “SchrÃ¶dinger’s cat”. V Prabhakaran â€“ the leader of the LTTE was chosen to be “SchrÃ¶dinger’s cat” by a fighter pilot of the Sri Lanka Air Force because Prabhakaran was the only animate object in the area that was large enough to be visible from an altitude of 12,000 ft, out of a malnourished and ailing population of 159,285 and 1/2 peoples (A single person rendered legless due to a cluster bomb launched definitely, certainly, indubitably by the LTTE was counted as 1/2).Â
The Sri Lankan army commander initiated the experiment a couple of weeks ago by admitting that the big cat (i.e. V Prabhakaran) may have already fled the country. The leader of the LTTE’s political wing, P Nadesan (aka Padasami Hari Gandeshwaran) showed his maximum cooperation with the experimenters by claiming that V Prabhakaran was still inside the ‘boxed up’ area. The experiment demonstrated that Prabhakaran was both ‘in the Vanni’ and ‘not in the Vanni’ at the same time. This is the first time that Erwin SchrÃ¶dinger’s predictions about elusive felines have been proven in a real life experiment, heralding remarkable new insights into quantum superpositions.
Particle physicists from all over the world who had abandoned their labs at CERN and gathered in the southern Sri Lankan city of Galle have been analysing the experimental data during the last few weeks. The final results however are not expected to be available for many months due to the complex process of normalisation that have to be carried out to eliminate data corruption due to propaganda, doublespeak, newspeak and Defense Secretary speak.
Meanwhile, animal rights activists in London, Toronto and in their own virtual worlds in cyberspace have been protesting vigorously against the use of the big cats in these experiments.