What pains me is that so many people hurt and suffer simply because of the way we think which separates us from each other. People of Sri Lanka- the beautiful, kind, generous, people of Sri Lanka (whether Sinhalese, Tamil, Muslim or any other group) who do such unthinkable atrocities to each other… Yes, all of us. In word if not in action, we all do harm to others. Not because we are evil or bad but because we think in ways which separate us. We have been trained for centuries to think in terms of “less than” and “better than” and whether or not we want to, so many of us think this way – separating human beings (ourselves and our fellow brother and sister human being) into categories that make us far apart as though we come from different species – even though we are so much alike that people can’t tell us apart.

For instance, how often do we manifest the believe that someone who is less educated, less privileged or lower in the caste hierarchy is “less than” us. By the same token, we think those who are better educated or from privileged (rich) families or higher caste is “better than” us. We may not think it consciously (in fact we may deny it loudly either due to our belief in fairness or political emancipation) but notice the amount of shame you feel when someone says something negative about dark skin (if you are “dark” in comparison to others) or the relief you feel (if you are “fair” skinned). I know many a gorgeous woman who thinks she is ugly simply because she is “dark” by comparison to the “standard”… and most of all, I find it painful realizing that I am often relived that I am “fair” because that feels like one less burden to bear.

It all seems to be such a tragic waste.

But there IS a way out of this separation- I am convinced of this because I have experienced it many times. Some people whom I used to think of as one of “them”, not one of “us” – now I see them as just human like me. There is still more work I need to do – I still have my edge (for example, I still struggle to have compassion for people with lots of power (political figures or wealthy people) who do so much harm with so little effort… but I am working on growing my heart so that I can have compassion for them too. And as the Dalai Lama says, I am grateful for their existence so that I have the chance to grow in my capacity to have compassion)

So, a little bit about how to do this:
First step is what Ange and many of the commentators have done here – experience and express the pain they feel when they see what goes on around them, the harm people do to each other and the harm people do to us sometimes. This ability to FEEL, esp. when there is so much pain that gets stimulated (and the events in our land are great and grievous so the pain felt is equally great and grievous) takes great amount of courage. Great amount of heart strength. But it is very important to strengthen our capacity to do so because without being able to FEEL this pain, we will only keep it suppressed inside until one day it will express itself in harmful ways (such as blaming thoughts or actions or judging or vengeance upon others or harm to self).

The second step is quite a radical one, which is to try to see the humanity of those who do those painful things (not in order to agree with them but in order to NOT separate ourselves from them and to see that there is a common humanity between us). And to express this in the form of empathy…

And the third step is to tell those who are doing the harm how much pain we feel when we see the effect of their behavior and ask them to do something different than what they are doing now.. This can be challenging when we don’t have access to those people or if these people are holding guns or if they are sitting in positions of power and behind walls of protection and are not willing to respond. This is where I get stuck – in theory I know this is when we need to organize and support each other to keep persisting in compassionately speaking up for justice for everyone. This is where we need each other most… so I am glad to see Ange’s writings and many of the thoughtful and caring voices I see responding to Ange’s writings (as well as many of the other articles and comments I see on this website).

There is more to be said but I am going to stop here… if you are interested in seeing more of this process I describe above, please go to http://www.cnvc.org

If you want to connect with me about this, email me at: [email protected]

JS

Wish there were more like you, wish we could make the vociferious members of JHU and JVP as well as the Chinthanaya followers see the plight of our people. I want to thank you for writing about your trip to Jaffna and letting the world know about your experience. I was struck with overwhelming sadness and helplessness. What can we do to help these people? May God bless you and your colleagues!

First and foremost, I want to thank you for making the trip to Jaffna and for telling the world of your experience. There are no words that can begin to describe the sadness I felt while reading your article. Although sad, I think it is important that people around the world are reminded of the tragedies and hardships experienced by the people. I think people such as you who take the initiative and proactively do something about it (whether through journalism, fund raising, etc) give a glimmer of hope to those who need it most.

I am a Sri Lankan born American who has been living in the United States since 1983. The older I get, the more I am drawn to the unrest back home in Sri Lanka. And what you do as a journalist through unbiased articles such as this is keep the situation fresh in the minds of people such as me – and I want to thank you for that! Because the reality of the matter is that most people sympathize and then go about their daily lives. The key in my opinion is to keep the situation fresh in the minds of the international community until a resolution is found.

For years now I have been wondering how I can get involved in helping the people of Sri Lanka. Recently with the help of many loving and generous people, I was fortunate enough to raise $20,000 US dollars and send back with a mission that made the visit back to Sri Lanka in early December. The money was used to buy some of the basic necessities that most of us take for granted and was dispersed to people in shelters and camps. Although the money may not be enough to save all the people, it reached a few and that comforting enough.

Now I am left with the thought of how to help even more. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how to effectively get money, supplies or whatever to the people who need it most (whether Tamil, Sinhalese, Muslim or anyone else)? Aside from the politics at play, the key in my opinion is to help Sri Lankans see and understand that they are SRI LANKANS – and that it does not matter what their language or religion is. It’s time we stand united as Sri Lankans and not focus on our differences (which if you think about it, is really not much).

There is no better example to the fact that Sri Lankans should not differentiate themselves from one another than the group of Sri Lankans that I know and proudly call my brothers. Some of my best friends include Sinhalese, Tamil and Muslims fellows from all various upbringings, backgrounds and geographical locations within Sri Lanka. And yet, we have created life-long bonds with each other and pride ourselves of being Sri Lankans. And I think I can speak on behalf of all of us when I say that the problems in Sri Lanka are embarrassing and unforgivable. How many more people must die, starve, suffer, go missing and whatever else before a resolution is found?

It’s time that people (Sri Lankans and Non-Sri Lankans) take the initiative to begin a positive movement internationally and within Sri Lanka to stop the violence and hardships. I realize that there are many people, organizations and countries already trying to accomplish this; but maybe it needs to be intensified. I wish I had a solution, but I don’t. But what I am left with is the feeling that each of us can do something (whether big or small) in our own way to help as much as we can rather than sitting back and sympathizing and watching people suffer and die on a daily basis. I am more than willing to devote my time and whatever else I have to accomplish this. If there are others who also believe this, let’s get in touch and begin the work!

Thank you!
Gino

p.s. I have created an email for this. [email protected]

Let me quote something you said at the end and write my views:

“There must be a real repentance on the part of the governments who are responsible for their people. Only then can there be real forgiveness and reconciliation”

One of the very challenges in finding a solution to this conflict is dealing with the emotional aspect that you described here.

I want to make two points based on it:
Governments usually don’t deal with emotions well since it is a political institution.
The forgiveness and reconciliation has to be unconditional to experience it to the fullest.

Disclaimer: I am not being paid by an NGO to write my views here and I consider them priceless since they are sincere.