Dearest Mr. Nonis, who is doctor also,
It is with the greatest sadness that we are hearing about the assault upon your person by the person who is supposed to be monitoring persons in the ministry of the foreign affairs. It is coming to me like the shock deep in the night. While I am in coma-like sleep I am hearing the massive smack and waking up in cold sweat to be finding my wife also up and fully and completely awake. I am asking, my dear, what is that thundering noise? Has the most venerable and completely untouchable Gnanasara smacked another Islamic with the ipad? Or is some traitor driving another nail into Our Majesty’s holy coffin. My wife is saying, no nothing like that because the noise is not local and coming from far away, almost over the hills and seas also. In the morning we will know if we use the proxy – site and access banned website. And when in the morning we are finding what is happening, (through the website I cannot be naming because it is banned and blocked also), that you are getting assaulted by the monitoring person my wife is going into shock. She is big fan of your face and your accent and is always wanting to be speaking like you. I am also big fan – of your accent only, and not only because it is sounding posh and extremely polished also but also because my wife is liking it very much and is always trying to be speaking like you. When she is dong that she is getting cramp in the lips and not able to be moving lips for many days which is like having the world peace right in the middle of your own home.
I am hoping the slap is not causing too much of the pain. But more than the pain, I am worrying about the accent. Are you still having it or are you losing it also with the dignity? I am knowing that some peoples who are speaking like the Englishman are suddenly speaking like the Vedda fellow after getting beaten. I am hoping you are not like that because if you are losing the accent you are also going to be losing my wife as your number one fan and I am going to be losing the few days of world peace I am having in the home.
Some peoples are saying that you are getting the slap because you are giving the monitoring person the dirty look and like the very common man in the Wariyapola side who is getting the slap from the common girl for giving the dirty looks and asking the dirty question you are also getting the slap from the Monitoring person for that. Firstly and foremostly, it is none of my business why you are getting the slap because what uncommon peoples in the government are doing is no business of us the common people. But I must also be saying that I am not believing the story about the dirty looks. Everybody is knowing that you are giving the dirty looks only to the imperialists who are threatening Our Majesty’s sovereignty. You are never asking dirty question, only answering them. But for the monitoring person to be giving you the slap there must be some reason and as I am saying above and before this, it is none of my business.
Personally and privately thinking, I am feeling that there is no need to be worrying too much about the slap – unless you are losing the accent. When I am small and in the school we are also having the monitor in the class. He is writing names of the naughty boys on the board and the teacher is looking at the names and then calling the boys and giving them the slap. Nowadays because our country is far more advanced and wondering in the Asia the monitor himself is allowed to be giving the slap to naughty people. Even if you are not being naughty what is mattering is that the monitoring person is thinking like that. In the school also the children who are getting the name on the board are not all naughty. When the monitor is angry with boy he is writing name and teacher is calling and slapping. What is important is not to be making the monitoring person angry.
There is also absolutely no point in resigning. You are knowing very well that you cannot be doing anything else with that accent other than defending our Majesty’s sovereignty. You will only get other posting and then also there is good chance that you will get the slap one day because Our Majesty’s Government nowadays is full of slappers. It is not very long time ago that Our Majesty’s own son is giving the rugby referee the slap and getting away to be playing more and more rugby. I am thinking it is better to be getting used to it and turning the other cheek also. This is what the common peoples in the country have been doing for very long time. The common peoples in the country have been getting the slap for a long time now, by the minister, the minister’s thug and sometimes by the minister’s thug’s thug also. Each time they are getting the slap they are turning the other cheek and dong it so often and frequently that sometimes they are looking like spinning. Sometimes common peoples are also slapping each other. Like the Wariyapola girl. You may be wondering with all your education and posh accent why you are also having to be doing what the common peoples are doing. But I am thinking this is the real democracy. Under Our Majesty’s glorious rule not only the common man but also uncommon man like you can be getting the slap because we are all the same and equal. This is another thing you can be saying to the imperialists the next time they are asking you the dirty question. And if the slaps are hurting you can always be treating yourself. You are not just the pretty face and pretty accent. You are doctor also.
Some jealous and unpatriotic peoples are saying damn good for the bastard because he is using his posh accent to be defending Our Majesty’s sovereignty and not the rights of the people, saying to the outer world that the people are dancing for the joy when they are actually spinning and reeling from the slaps. I am saying please do not be thinking about these comments. Please remember the story of king Kekille, an ancestor of Our Majesty. When the goldsmith is about to be put to the death he is saying this is great shame, using royal tusker to be killing puny thing like me and not the fat merchant down the street. Likewise, it is a shame to be using the posh accent to be defending the common people when there are more important peoples to be serving. And in any case one thundering slap is never going to be enough for that sort of thing.