Hear My VOICE: Thenuja Tharmeshwaran ~ “I am always my father’s favourite”
Thenuja Tharmeshwaran struggles and unable to forget the traumatic past
Thenuja Tharmeshwaran (15) waits with hope at the entrance of her school~ Kondavil Hindu Maha Vidyalayam in Jaffna district in Sri Lanka. Her eyes are full and filled with tears and roll down her cheeks while she shares her agony with me sitting closer in Jaffna, North of Sri Lanka. She wears a pristine White pleated frock which is the school uniform with Light Blue and White tie, her hair is middle parted, neatly plaited into two and tied with matching brilliant blue silk ribbon. Red stone circle ear studs add colour to her complexion. A White pair of shoes tightly tied and feet are fixed to the cement floor. She sits straight on a Brown plastic chair and makes instant eye contact. Her fingers are crossed and she keeps quiet most of the time thinking deep. Black round “Pottu” (dot) is placed perfectly between her two eyebrows along with sandalwood and holy ash on top decorating her smooth forehead. It shows her strong spirituality.
“I lost my father during the war. I feel sad and helpless, when I think of my beloved father. I always feel terribly lost after his death .He is my bestest friend, and I am always his favourite. My heart does not allow me anytime to speak in past tense, when I talk about my father. Because I feel he is always with me~ he loves me, listens to me, cares for me, talks to me and watches me, although he is not physically near to me. But he is always dear to me” shares Thenuja Tharmeshwaran.
She lived in Vanni, North of Sri Lanka, which was formerly controlled by the Tamil rebels known as Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam who were defeated by the Government security forces in May 2009. She got displaced during the war and stayed in the internally displaced camp in Vavuniya in Sri Lanka. Gradually she moved to Jaffna, and she currently lives there with her extended family.
“I have nightmares while sleeping, because I am unable to forget my father and the sweet memories. We used to play hide and seek and snake and ladder together. These are our favourite games. I miss him so dearly.I often dream that, my father is still alive somewhere, but it is not true in reality. He is (was) such a loving and caring father, who never failed in his duties. He attended to my needs and wishes whether he had enough money or not” her voice cracks down and tears begin to pour through her both eyes endlessly. She uses her pink handkerchief with embroidery to wipe the uncontrollable tears.
She is unable to get rid of the trauma of losing her father suddenly. But she tries to attend the school regularly, pay attention to her studies and pass the exams. She rarely mixes with the rest of the kids.
“My favourite subject is Tamil. I want to study hard and become a teacher. I want to make my father’s dream come true to change the lives of the people” continues Thenuja Tharmeshwaran with hope in her eyes and heart.
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Dear Dushanthi,
Very good effort to reflect and record the memories and the struggles of the community that has suffered most during the last 30 years- a whole generation had lived only under the falling bombs and firing MBRLs.
Without dealing with our memories we will not be able to heal. Like the monument made by my friend Prof. Jagath Weerasinghe for the 32 school boys murdered in Embilipitiya, one that is now forgotten and neglected at the turn to the parliament. (Being an archeo-anthropologist this was his intension, that people will have to rediscover their history through a social conciseness). I hope soon there will be enough socio-cultural attempts to start such process not just amongst the diaspora Thamils- as it happens now- but amongst the real people- people who suffered most.
In this direction may I suggest that you include others, beside the citizens of North as you have done now. while we acknowledge that Northerner suffered most in a comparative sense, it is also undeniable that many others including the Muslims and Sinhalas also suffered during the war and are still waiting to recover their shattered lives and future. A non-ethnic but a collective societal approach to record our struggles will possibly provide a wider and deeper opportunity for honest dialogue and a democratic recovery.
best
Dear daughter Thenuja,
I understand, it’s not easy to forget your past. But you have hope and future. Dear daughter, try your best with your studies. One day you will become a person that somehow your father will proud of you and your achievements. Good luck and God Bless you my daughter!.
Dear Dushanthi,
I do agree with the comments of the first Individual who informs you to write the issues people went through in all parts of the country and all communities and not Just the North and the Tamils, becuase this war had effected the Tamils the most and that we all agree but it does not mean peaople in the South ,West,East,Central did not loose loved ones becuase of teh War. Please touch on all this areas other wise it will not help Sri Lanka get over the war and move on as people who love and forgive each other.
Regards,
Dear Daughter Thenuja ,
Being a child without father whom you loved & trusted the most can not simply forget. He was always there for you when you needed him.The bond between a real father & child is inseparable.Your inspiration & the story is very emotional with sorrow & grief.I believe you will get more support & comfort to fill that lost bondage by an angel with compassion & love. Dear daughter… I wish you all the best & may all your aspirations come true.
suren raghavan’s comments are commendable.that is the only way forward.i share the thoughts of all the children of Sri lanka irrespective of ethnicity who lost their loved ones.I hope there is a way to share their sorrow but I don’t really know how.