Colombo, Fiction / Creative Writing, Satire

Sri Lankan Minister continues farce

Banyan News Reporters

9 July 2010, Colombo, Sri Lanka: The leader of the National Fiefdom Front (NFF) Mrs Wimala Weerahansa continued her farce unto death in front of the Unverified Notions (UN) office near Bulls Road in Colombo yesterday – only God knows why. Large crowds were seen gathering at the scene and shouting insults at a Chinese man in a show of moral support of the Cabinet Minister. Mr. Saman Gonagama – a protester at the scene speaking exclusively to Banyan News Reporters said that he fully supported the minister in this brave, courageous, patriotic, wise, really productive and useful endeavour.

“We really hope she farce unto death” he added.

Some political observers in Colombo speculate that Mrs Weerahansa is waiting in line to advise the UN panel appointed by Secretary General Kim Ba Noon to advise him on what he can and cannot do.

Sources close to the farcical Engineering Services Minister claim however that she was protesting the screening of “Three Idiots” in Sri Lankan cinemas – which would expose atrocities committed by the Sri Lankan film industry over last three decades. “If that is allowed, producers of films like ‘Aiyage malli’, ‘Chandiyage nangiya’ and ‘One shot’ may have to face charges of committing crimes against humanity” a film critic who wished to remain annonymous told Banyan News Reporters. The Sri Lankan media which cited his neighbours fuelled rumours that Mrs Weerahansa may have fled from her home with bed and mattress, as a result of a domestic dispute with her husband.

Secretary General Kim Ba Noon however, “strongly” objected to Mrs Weerahansa’s presence at his Organisation’s office compound, which he accused, was hindering its “vital work” – investigating Unverified Notions about alleged war-crimes perpetrated during the latter stages of Sri Lanka’s war with the LTTE fifteen months ago. Speaking to reporters at the UN Headquarters in New York, Mr. Noon reiterated that investigating these unverified notions was an essential foundation for durable peace and reconciliation in Sri Lanka.

Sri Lanka’s Minister for Externalising Affairs argued in reply that it was nearly impossible to find a decent hair-dresser in Colombo who could make him not look ridiculous.

  • “WE REALLY HOPE SHE FARCE UNTO DEATH”- I was tickled beyond measure and am still laughing. Heres another chance for Michael Meyler to scoop yet another prized gem for his collection and subsequent legalizing of the Sri Lankan way of speaking English. As an aside, I really DO hope that Weerawansa will farce unto death soon.

  • Mooning

    “UN Women will significantly boost UN efforts to promote gender equality, expand opportunity, and tackle discrimination around the globe.”— UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon

  • Obviously, there is a need for accountability and end to impunity not only all over the world, in Sri Lanka (SL) in particular. Ban Ki Moon is absolutely right.

    In SL, now, there is a desperate attempt by the Sinhalese to silence the call for accountability and end to impunity by the UN, by mob action.

    There is a licence to oppress, subjugate and carry out genocide of Tamils in SL, all because of existing Sinhala totalitarianism and majoritarianism, unleashed against Tamils systematically and increasingly.

    The sad part is that there was nothing in the Sinhalese mind to say for the past 60 years that it is absolutely wrong for people to enslave and subjugate others.

    The Sinhala brain was unsensitised to human suffering, murder and mayhem purely because there was deliberate and “legalised” impunity and nonaccountability.

    When people revert to such barbaric nature, they end up as nation of brutes with the sole vision to kill and eliminate people, the cause for Tamil genocide. This vision, detrimental to humanity, remains to be uprotted and ended.

    For the past 60 years the political and social plans and strategies of Sinhala governments were framed to achieve this uncivilised vision of crime against humanity.

    Strangely, the UN and the International Community were silent and allowed these brutes to grow in brutality. Consequently, they are even against the UN and the world now.

    Should the UN get out of SL or SL get out of the UN and the world?

  • Emm

    A Ban’s representative is cought carrying a BigMac hidden in his coat pocket in the UN compound. I wonder what he was up to. Later forensic examination has concluded that it was not a BigMac but a piece of Kiribath.

  • GoodSriLankan

    U.N Secretary General Mr. Ban Ki Moon why don’t you appoint a panel to investigate alleged war crimes all around the world by Terrorist, LTTE, Al Qaeda, Taliban, US Government, UK Government, and NATO?
    Instead of that U.N Secretary General Mr. Ban Ki Moon going to appoint a panel to investigate elimination of world brutal Terrorist organization LTTE and punish legitimate Sri Lankan government and Sri Lankans!!!
    U.N Secretary General Mr. Ban Ki Moon is UN’s vision and mission to destroy small developing countries on be half of betterment of big countries by supporting Terrorism?
    Please U.N Secretary General Mr. Ban Ki Moon, do not interfere internal affairs of Sri Lanka and do not put the blame on the political leaders, security forces and nation of Sri Lanka for eliminating World Brutal Terrorist organization named LTTE from our mother land Sri Lanka to create a peaceful developing country!
    Please U.N Secretary General Mr. Ban Ki Moon, do not try destroying small countries!
    Sri Lanka did condemned September 11th Attack on Twin Towers (World Trade Centre) of USA, because Sri Lankans know the pains of human.
    U.N Secretary General Mr. Ban Ki Moon is closing the U.N. Development Program Regional Center in Colombo to stop development of Sri Lanka mean while supporting terrorism all around the world?
    U.N Secretary General Mr. Ban Ki Moons job functions and responsibilities are not clear to us and what is your role in UN is it business?

    Welcome to the United Nations: It’s not Your World its Terrorist world
    Below overview of UN is in the web site is wrong
    The United Nations is an international organization founded in 1945 after the Second World War by 51 countries committed to maintaining international peace and security, developing friendly relations among nations and promoting social progress, better living standards and human rights. Due to its unique international character, and the powers vested in its founding Charter, the Organization can take action on a wide range of issues, and provide a forum for its 192 Member States to express their views, through the General Assembly, the Security Council, the Economic and Social Council and other bodies and committees.
    The work of the United Nations reaches every corner of the globe. Although best known for peacekeeping, peacebuilding, conflict prevention and humanitarian assistance, there are many other ways the United Nations and its System (specialized agencies, funds and programmes) affect our lives and make the world a better place. The Organization works on a broad range of fundamental issues, from sustainable development, environment and refugees protection, disaster relief, counter terrorism, disarmament and non-proliferation, to promoting democracy, human rights, gender equality and the advancement of women, governance, economic and social development and international health, clearing landmines, expanding food production, and more, in order to achieve its goals and coordinate efforts for a safer world for this and future generations.
    Overview of the UN should be “Supporting Terrorism to unstable small developing countries and get the benefit out of those conflicts”
    UNS Mission, Vision and Goals are only for USA, UK, Ban Kin Moon and Terrorists only

  • Pearl Thevanayagam

    Were it not for the UN and the ICRC the trapped civilians would have been annihilated or starved to death.

    Let us get a reality check here. These two agencies have dedicated workers with strict rules of code of conduct during conflict. The ICRC gives training continuously to both the security forces and the rebels on how to conduct themselves during war.

    The ICRC also oversees despatch of essential items to war torn areas amidst great danger. UNHCR is there at hand to provide relief to the diaplaced. Both these agencies work under immense pressure both from the security forces and rebels.

    Whatever happens in New York or Geneva headquarters those on the ground carry out their work diligently and it is Sri Lankans, many of them Sinhalese who put their lives at risk.

    What is wrong with wanting to find out the truth? In all probability the findings could turn out to be in favour of the government if you take into account of how the fleeing civilians were held back by the rebels as human shields. The security forces who saved the lives of fleeing civilians were not highlighted in the international media since only bad news make sensation.

    Weerawansa should realise that UN has an inalienable right to hold its own investigations when it had been involved in resolving the conflict for well over 30 years. It should also hold the rebels accountable for their atrocities but unfortunately it is the govenment who is shielding the remaining rebels and giving them portfolios in the government.

    No, I am not looking to work with either organisation.

  • Vishnu Gupta

    The farce is nothing but a big farce, does anyone in their right mind think that he loves the country enough to die for it? No way, but soon a “honorable” way of escape will be found so that he can save face and stop the farce 🙂

  • Not Anonymous

    This article itself is defamatory & abusive. And you say not to post comments that are defamatory and abusive. Its a Shame.

  • Pearl Thevanayagam

    Continuation of the article………

    And Externalising Affairs Minister whose greying hair complemented his brilliantine brain has now taken the advice of the cupboard and asked his coiffure tamer to get some Bigen. It is also evidence that he likes the outward appearance over intellectual and discerning mind which was his forte when he was VC at Colombo University.

    He has now forsaken using his cerebrum and instead managed to upstage Alistair Campbell in beating the drums for the govt. In fact he would not hesitate to sit beside th exhibitionist should he muster more support from the saffron robe kind who themselves have forsaken Buddha Dhamma and embraced blind nationalism.

    Just two days and the doctor has delcared he could only stay alive for another four days!!!

    While the exhibitionist spreads himself in a palanquin (I think he might outfox Mahinda and take his place in the near future), it’s not even two days before a doctor is called in to administer medicine. If he is fasting he should not be taking anything orally except to expel some diatribe against that pesky UN.

    Such a brawny lad and in the pink of health the wimp cannot starve for a week before he shows signs of weakness!!

    Just think of the civilians forced to starve in Vanni.

    Is there a mobile toilet or is he doing it Sri Lankan style under the tree?

  • The way of the Dodo

    I really don’t see the point of all this protesting. It’s not like Ban can do anything without security council approval

  • Well put Pearl. Couldnt have said it better. By the way, I hope the organisers of this tamasha have taken the precaution of checking the exhibitionists blood group -just in case he gets too feeble and needs a massive transfusion ( of blood, not economic benefits). Im saying this because his blood group must be very rare among lankans to exhibit such strong patriotism. Hence the need to be prepared for any eventuality as we cannot afford to lose this modern day Puran Appu. Who can forget the JVP days of this lankan Robbing Hood and the gold that was pilfered by him and his cohorts? Remember, all this he did for the sake of the country. So, save him, we must. By the way, i just got info that the doctor who checked his pulse had smuggled a BigMac for him.

  • Pearl Thevanayagam

    Gandhi fasted for a cause. A cause which arose from the indignities and cruelties perpetrated on the poorest of the poor, Muslims and untouchables.

    Then a few Tamils in the diaspora fasted to stop the massacre of civilians in the last throes of war?

    VW’s fast to stop the truth from emerging goes against the very grain of the teachings of Lord Buddha, Jesus Christ, Bhagavat Geetha, and Quran.

    It is by seeking truth and atoning for mistakes this country can move on. This inquiry must go on to dispel the frustration and anger of those Sri Lankans who lost their loved ones or had their lives sacrificed in the war.

    Seeking the truth is our very fundamental human rights. The truth behind Navaly bombings on July 09,1995, the truth behind the massacre of Muslim worshippers in Kathankudy, Arantalawa massacre, the annihilation fo rival Tamil groups by the LTTE, bombing of Dalada Maligawa, the numerous suicide bombings, the killing of 37 journalists since 1990, Kokkadicholai massacre, the JVP massacre in ’89/90 Balatalanda torture chambers; the list is endless.

    Those who masterminded these attacks are sitting in parliament shouting human rights. Unless the UN panel knows these gruesome murders, massacres and pogrom history would only repeat itself.

  • Pearl,
    Laugh with us while we are still afforded the opportunity to do so together.
    It is useful… sometimes… often… to be able to laugh at the insane before they drive us insane…