Colombo, Environment, Satire

Monsoons: Another western conspiracy against Sri Lanka?

Banyan News Reporters

18 May 2010: Colombo, Sri Lanka: The unusually heavy rain and storm activity over Sri Lanka during the past few days could be the result of another international conspiracy against the resurgent island, a citizens’ science group says.

“The timing and intensity of the inclement weather is too much of a coincidence, just when we were preparing to celebrate our armed forces’ great victory over the LTTE exactly one year ago,” said the Vidyartha Patriots’ Institute for Science and Society (VPISS).

They added: “We suspect that a foreign hand, possibly a western country, may have tampered with our seasonal rainfall patterns. We ask the government to investigate if this could be the case.”

While the south-west Monsoon rains are typically expected to commence in mid May over the western and southern areas of Sri Lanka, the intensity of the rain has surprised even experienced meteorologists. The Department of Meteorology said on 17 May that a storm was developing over Sri Lanka.

The Victory Day celebration scheduled to be held at Galle Face Colombo on 20 May has been postponed owing to the unfavourable weather conditions, the Media Centre for National Security announced on the same day.

Pre monsoon rain, triggered by a stormy conditions in the Bay of Bengal, wrought havoc yesterday in Colombo, Gampaha, Panadura,  Ratnapura and Galle. The news media reported it has displaced over 30,000 families while two people were reported dead and three others missing.

Meanwhile, the Disaster Management Centre (DMC) said that around 50,000 families in Colombo, 15,000 in Gampaha and 14,000 families in Kalutara were affected by the torrential rains that lashed through these areas for several hours on May 17.

A number of main streets in and around Colombo were flooded by accumulated rain waters, which overwhelmed the drainage systems. Parts of northern Colombo have been without electricity due to power distribution sub-stations being flooded.

Dr Anura Punchi-darshana, convenor of VPISS, urged all patriotic Sri Lankans to be alert and vigilant over sinister attempts to undermine the country’s attempts to rebuild the nation after the long-drawn conflict.

“We remember very well how so many vested interests and geopolitical agendas prolonged our anti-terrorist struggle,” Dr Punchi-darshana said. “These foreign elements don’t want to see Sri Lanka emerge as the next wonder of Asia. They will continue their unholy attempts to destabilize our island using whatever means. This could include unleashing rain-making forces that are long suspected to have been secretly developed by powerful western nations.”

Dr Susan Agunathilaka, a co-founder of VPISS, questioned the wisdom of relying on two annual monsoons for most of Sri Lanka’s rainfall and water resources.

In her view, the origins of the very word ‘monsoon’ should be grounds for concern. Monsoon comes from the Portuguese word monção, which was derived from Arabic mawsim (meaning “season”). Some say this was perhaps partly via early modern Dutch word monsun.

“From our history we know how the Arabs, Portuguese and Dutch have all interfered in the peaceful affairs of our island nation,” Dr Agunathilaka opined. “We should know better than to trust anything like the Monsoon that comes with so much of historical baggage!”

Dr Anura Punchi-darshana goes even further, and proposes that the government should decline the foreign interventionist weather forces called the Monsoon.

“We must stop relying on this foreign rain, and aspire to generate all the rain ourselves,” he urged. “We who hail from a long and proud hydraulic civilization can surely manage this much in the 21st Century!”

VPISS is a little known group that established a decade ago by a group of expatriate Sri Lankan scientists and engineers in New York. Some of its co-founders have since returned to Sri Lanka and offered their services to the government to rebuild the war-ravaged nation.

In June 2009, Banyan News exclusively reported how genetically modified (GM) mosquitoes may have been released in the Greater Colombo by an irate multinational pharmaceutical company that failed to win a health supply contract.

  • Rosh

    this is one of the “stupidest” articles I’ve seen on groundviews. This is an epitome of “Writing junc for the sake of writing something”.

  • And I thought that the rumour going around that the influx of frogs in Morotuwa and those parts was engineered by a foreign embassy that was pissed off at our government, was a figment of someone’s imagination. Now, however, putting two and two together, it make a lot of sense. What next? A Christian fundie told me that the biblical plagues would soon be visited on us due to the anti-conversionists who burn churches and do shit like that….

  • You forgot to report that the Disaster Management Centre (DMC) rescued Sinhalese first.

  • vino Gamage

    VPISS is sending Asgiriya and Malwatta Mahanayakes to Department of Floodgates by the next flight by Atlantis.

  • Grasshopper

    Rosh, it’s a tongue-firmly-in-cheek article. Of course it’s not a serious one mate.

  • Dilkusha

    This is undoubtedly a conspiracy by the G4 nations, USA, UK, Canada, and Australia, supported by the EU. There is hope our intellectuals will find how Castro and Che coped with this kind of conspiracies and highlight Latin America as a model of freedom to the world. and will advise. The nationalist will advise how HRH Dutugemunu and the likes dealt with this situation and the wisdom of ancients can be applied. Also with the unconditional support of friendly and supportive nations like China and Iran, the heroes week can be celebrated without postponement and the joint forces against the celebration will not be able to prevail or “pee” from heaven on this historic celebration. Do not be dismayed, there is hope!

  • Surendran

    With all that holler about hydraulic civilization and what not, one wonders how the Wonder of Asia (whatever #%*$) is unable to come up with even a working storm-drainage system in Colombo? Some wonder of Asia this country is.

  • Vishnu Gupta

    Poor Rosh, never heard of Satire before, is it?

    Great article as always!

  • Dasa Maha Yoda

    Traitors, Traitors, Traitors. We thought we dealt with them a year ago but apparently a few survived to infect us again.

    All of you making fun of this national calamity will be water-boarded first, and then dispatched to a watery grave.

  • Maximus Profundus

    This is absoltely hilarious! I love the humour behind this.

    Dear Banyan News Reporters – Keep it up! It’s only satire and humour that will survive in the long run. (Pardon my cynicism – I’m so full of it when I see thugs, actors and sportsmen entering parliament with a bunch of clowns outside in govt dancing to their tunes.)

  • nice one!!! now, if only the rains could flush out sanath from our cricket team, i would be thrilled!!!

  • nayana

    I doubt, but we will have to ask Hon Wimal Weerawansa. He is the sole & competent authority to decide weather this a conspiracy against Sri Lanka? If he accept the fact no doubt its crystal clear & all SL community should accept it.
    Great Article!!!

  • justitia

    Ha Ha Ha – We need occasional humorous articles like this one.
    But there are gullible jokers in sri lanka who will beleive this – who also beleive in astrology, anjanam kaarayas, thovil specialists, bali practitioners, rishi vaakiyam readers, malayaalam mgicians, dehi cutting females, fracture specialists, herbal masseurs, coconut dashers in temples to bring down misfortune on enemies, philanthropists who donate to religious places/events rather than to starving samurthi rejects to attain nirvaana, beleivers in indian godmen who perform ‘miracles’/have sexual escapades in secret, indian temple ceremonies where persons are weighed in gold donation to attain prosperity in politics etc. etc.
    Worst category are those who beleive politicians’ promises before elections.

  • mohamed wadood

    Unfortunately these sort of statements and headlines comes from the mind of unthinkable proxy of terrorist LTTE ,low quality biased journalist, who conspired to tarnish the image of srilanka at the time srilankans and the duly elected govt trying to survive the negative media abuses at the time of a war against the worlds ruthless conventional terrorist who were holding innocent tamil civilians as human shield. Today we as srilankans we are living a life of freedom with peace and happiness.Thank to our great president and the heroic armed forces who defeated these terrorist LTTE.

  • jayathilaka

    Rain is good gesture for the government since they can postpone military parade of 1st aniversary of the war on account of the rain.

  • IVJ

    What amuses me is that, there are bunch of so called literate people (wonder if they too got their doctorate like Mr. Mervyn Silva) making stupid statements. Bunch of useless idiots.

  • yaksha deva

    This is a disgruntled LTTE man writing garbage.
    Get a life, You will never be accepted as an equal by any of your masters.

  • Idealist?

    Brilliant!!! Another superb one from the Banyan News Reporters! “Vidyartha Patriots’ Institute for Science and Society (VPISS)” indeed!!!

  • firzan/Shrilankan

    Dr Agunathilaka , Please note Arabs did not destroy the our nation they partner of our nation building, I very sorry if you have hard feeling but i wanted to mention the truth

    God Bless Shri Lanka

  • Idealist?

    Looks like Mohamed Wadood is also giving satire a try 😉

  • Soma

    Well, well, you talk about the Arab, Portuguese, and Dutch invading your country did you forget the British the POMS who occupied Sri Lanka. Wow it is raining in Sri Lanka ? so you could not have your planned parade to glorify Rajapaksa therefore, you blame someone for the rain. I hope it will rain harder and wipe out all these rogues in parliment so that the poor citizens can get back their lives and live in dignity.

  • Magodis Thuma

    We need another government agency to protect our mother land from such weather attacks and conspiracies. We recently set up a Coast Guard, and now we need a Weather Guard. Of course it must come under the Defence Ministry.

  • Maha Kaira

    Tongue in cheek indeed. The majority of comments here are interesting and funny except for indignation shown by one or two paranoid morons who do not know what humour is; people of the ilk of Hitler and Pol Pot and other similar birds of prey. Such folks were recently singing praises for the disorganised removal of the pavement hawkers as if we had made a moon landing, but c’mon, how about the authorities cleaning up the drains? Even Dr. Mervyn should be able to do that, at least by whacking it with a molgaha. Or how about making sure the sick and dying Sinhala people at least have adequate medicines in the hospitals? Can’t manage that? Or controlling rampant bribery? There is no doubt that the Malayalam hooniyam astrologers aided and abetted by the ant-Buddhist West asked the weather gods to wipe out our glorious chest thumping victory parade. After all we must not forget that the Weather Gods are not only Greek and therefore part of the anti-Sri Lanka EU, but that the Greeks can call upon more gods than we Sri Lankans who are limited to the Hindu collection of tis thun kotiyak (33 lakhs) of gods. God Zeus with his weather control, God Zephyrus (God of the west wind), Godess Harpies (Goddesses of storms) and God Hades (Lord of the underworld and Dr.Mervyn) have indeed carried out a conspiracy against Sri Lanka. Let us now pray to God Aether (God of clear skies) so that God Hypnos (God of sleep) can let us Rest In Peace, at least until the economic storm caused by pathetic economic management, also a Greek conspiracy, enveloped Sri Lanka in six months’ time.

  • pissu LK

    I think US & EU agents may have gone to Seenigama Devalaya & broken coconuts (Pol Gahala) there. We have to counteract with our dare devil specialists,

  • Black Magic

    I think we SriLankans are better than this, we had our world renowned scientist in NASA.So we should not disgrace ourselves with this kind of articles, especially if these people who made this statement were once from USA.
    Can some one explain how Sri Lanka is going to make rain, if they can then it would be a useful tool for nations in Africa and solve drought in the world. We need to refrain from making these statements as we would become the laughing stock of the world.
    Sri Lanka should concentrate on developing the nation and become something like Singapore or Hong Kong, instead of doing research on how foreign forces stopped them from celebrating the victory over LTTE. Past is past forget it, make peace and move forward for the betterment of the country. Western world is struggling with their own problems with Middle eastm Euro debts, US economy, Oil Leak etc, and they do not even remember about Sri Lanka or even to screw with rain. What have Sri Lanka got to offer for the western world development. So stop this nonsence and move forward, but be careful with Chinese takeover of Sri Lanka in near future. I hope Rajapakse will resolve it too.

  • indonicus


    (Doctor) Mervyn Silva has banned all rain in the Kelaniya electorate.

    Basil has revoked the order but has asked for ten percent of the water, no matter where it falls.

    Mahinda has appointed a commission to investigate.

    Ranil is singing “It only rains on me”.

    Sarath Fonseka is saying: “This is nothing compared to the storm I had in mind”

  • longus


    Well, justita,you have forgotten to include in your long list of superstitions;the miracles performed at churches which “cures” cancer patients,the so called miracle nights of healing the deaf,the blind,and the crippled(anything short of raising the dead )the criminal acts of depriving the sick of medication,blood transfusions and praying till they die……

    justita, I think that you have forgotten to include the above facts…………..!

  • AJ

    Why are these “HENA” not landing in the parliament…

  • mohandev

    Sure it’s a conspiracy by SF/JVP to prevent the victory celebration when the once hero is left behind in a dark poor ventilated cell whilst his beloved son in law is running from place to place disguised as monks & what nots to prevent getting caught to bros & co. Maybe the Diaspora too would have contributed towards it to ensure bad weather. Ha ha ha……… no doubt this is Sri Lanka, where else could we be !

  • justitia

    Sorry I should have, but these did not come to my mind.

  • Pearl Thevanayagam

    Now the government is to blame for the floods. There is some truth in this. But truth will elude us unitl we recognise what caused these floods.

    Hell, we are in the 21st century and we are still consulting astrologers. Anura, Premadasa, Sirimavo and JR went to that paedophile Sai Babha to invoke blessings and he pulled out gold chains and ashes from his front sleeve.

    Let us pardon Sirimavo ‘cos she did not progress beyond Grade8 at St Bridget’s and her speeches were prepared by the assassinator of her husband SWRD Buddha Rakkita Thero.

    Let us also pardon Anura since he could not be arsed with finishing his term at Oxbridge. Add on Premadasa whose education was limited to evening classes at St Joseph’s.

    Do we still need politicians who would trek to India and invoke blessings and tie endless threads on their wrists by holy priests that they fail to realise their fate is already sealed.

    So could we let ourselves forward to the 21st century and take our own destiny in our hands. Shine the torch within and make sense of sensibility in managing our land with rationale.

    Let us pay heed to scientists and environmentalists who are closer to God and nature than soothesayers and charlatans.

    How we invoke religion to wage wars on enemies in the name of religion is something that baffles me no end.

    Premadasa’s life was not spared despite all th blessings of Sathya Sri Sai Baba who like Rajneesh ( with his private airstrip) had his own monetary portfolio hoodwinking the Americans seeking solace from a materialistic world.

    We are but living a dream if we still believe in pseudo priests and their producing material welath out of nowhere.

    The floods we experience are not produced by politicians but by the politicians whose short-sightedness and selfish interests far superceded rational forward planning.

    My oh my, when will we ever learn.