Colombo, Elections, Fiction / Creative Writing, Peace and Conflict, Politics and Governance, Satire

Open letter to the President of Sri Lanka

January 28, 2010

Dear Mr. President,

Congratulations on your land slide victory which, like most Colombo elites, I was stunned by. Your spokesperson Dr R Wijesinghe quite rightly described us as shallow and lacking foresight and the common touch unlike the rural polity who rightly judged your true capability and potential based purely on your good governance and not by manipulation through crafty and cut throat state propaganda. We eagerly look forward to another six or maybe eight? years of glorious Mahinda Chinthanaya. We have full confidence in your wise and just governance which you have so clearly displayed during the past four years. Yes, you narrowly missed a foul coup plotted by your adversary which would have destroyed you and your entire family as well as your extended family and even certain key public officials who have proved their worth as eminent and honest advisors to your rule.  Even post election, the truth needs to be shown on national television via stories depicting his decadent life style and ruthless behaviour comparable to no less than Gen. Idi Amin. In contrast, your impeccable life style is beyond question with not even a whiff of suspicion concerning unfounded allegations of contracting with the underworld for elimination of dissent and opposition. Moreover, even your large coterie of ministers has displayed unbelievable restraint and dignity despite being subject to constant harassment by the independent media on false allegations of corruption, waste and mis-governance. We look forward to you and your illustrious cabinet of ministers’ brave and continued direction in guiding  the destinies of this nation on the correct path of development.

We know that your colossal infrastructure development programs of sea and air ports and road networks will serve the country well, particularly as they are so strategically located in the south to meet the expanding needs of a new capital city envisaged in Hambantota which undoubtedly is the ideal choice of location from all aspects, particularly, being your place of birth and closest  to your heart. It is obvious to anyone that these are definitely not prestige projects which serve to line the pockets of the political elite but critical to the development of our economy. It is definitely a national priority that we have, at least, two airports and sea ports and a new capital city built on cutting edge technology as it will surely help in alleviating the urgent and nagging problem of poverty and malnutrition that plagues the majority of our people. Your partners in development such as China, Iran and Libya can help you show the western world that we do not have to extend the begging bowl to them. Despite competing with us on global markets, these newly emerging economies have unhesitatingly come to our assistance in a true display of brother hood for which we must salute them. They will definitely stand by us unlike the short lived promises of our former colonial masters and their ‘running dogs’ who threaten us with revocation of trade privileges on allegations of mis governance and other unfounded crimes instigated purely by jealousy and envy of our successful elimination of terrorism.

The international conspiracy against your regime is shocking with the most powerful nations  taking the lead in accusing your regime of war crimes, human rights abuses, rigging of elections and a whole host of baseless accusations. It is a disgrace to conspire in such a manner to crush our proud and great sinhala buddhist civilization which has stood the test of time and proved beyond doubt the purity, gentleness and integrity of our culture.

Unfortunately, the ungrateful minorities have dug their own graves by not voting for you despite all your efforts to learn their language and extend the olive branch of friendship. Their disloyalty and deception can only be tackled by the iron hand of your brother who has proved beyond doubt that he can crush terrorism with no hope of resurrection. We salute him and wish him continued success far into the future as the conduct of the minorities indicates that they can never be trusted as patriots. Despite this, you have so graciously hailed their participation in the election process which only serves to highlight your superior qualities of statesmanship. I feel we must not negotiate with them as they do not deserve any concessions whatsoever. I suggest that you leave them to languish in their own soup. Never mind the threats of the diaspora who claim to have the backing of the superpowers, as we have the most competent army in the world that can defeat the vilest enemy.

Your victorious nomination for a second term  was gained without the slightest indication of corruption or abuse of power. The state media was never flagrantly exploited by your government for election propaganda despite constant provocation by the independent media backed by evil forces, both local and foreign, out to sully your regime’s  integrity. As always, you have stood tall and acted with restraint like a true statesmen. We commend you for rising above the inferior behavior of your adversaries.

You are truly our lord and savior! We wish you many more years of benevolent kingship which will help our country blossom into a great and powerful nation which can defeat the evil forces, both local and foreign, threatening to bring down our nation for what reason we cannot imagine!

Yours in service

A True Patriot

  • kaminda

    LOL. A great article my friend.

  • Dayan Jayatilleka

    Look kids, grow up , stop being sore losers and do yourselves a favour… even the sardonic schoolboyish/schoolgirlish humour is losing its charm. Read the new pieces on the election in The Economist, The Hindu ( edit) and the Wall Street Journal. You can’t get more diversity ideologically than the editor of The Hindu and the line of the Wall Street Journal, so their shared view is even more striking. The General has left the building, if you get my drift.

    Now run along, get to the back of the class and figure how you could all get it so wrong. One thing that my friend Prof R. Wijesinha will never know, but you folk do, is the answer to the question: ” what does it feel like to be quite so stupid”?

  • faizalali

    Mr President ,few poeple around you spoils your name and leadership sadly 2 of your brothers, A thug from Kelaniya and few Minister.
    I do’nt think you need them to rule the country. Poeple voted you not for them.Always look who is around you, you will climb your approval during your second term.

  • MW

    Haha kudos True Patriot. My sentiments exactly! Long Live Maha Rajano!

  • sarath

    if only the 60% can understand what you really are saying, sri lanka will be a democratic place to live.

  • georgethebushpig

    Ouch! The pen is indeed greater than the sword!

  • georgethebushpig

    Ouch! The pen is indeed greater than the sword! Love it!

  • Aravinda

    Mr.Fonseka is been a “Drama Queen.” He lost the election by 1.8 million votes. Please Mr.Fonseka, don’t make a fool of your self, accept the fact that people have elected Mahinda Rajapaksa as President and congradulate him. Please ask someone to write a decent concession speech and leave the stage gracefully.

  • Tamils & Singhalese Unite

    A great great article…..despotism and a greater darkness is now upon Sri Lanka……..only unity can stop the despotic constituency of the South achieving a hegemony over the North, East, Central and Western parts of Sri Lanka…..this was all said decades ago by the older generation..

  • Hiran

    Cannot agree more. Why is the opposition trying to create this much of trouble? This has been the most free and fair election of the world. It is another record similar to the one created when Hon. Mahinda Rajapakse eliminated the LTTE leadership and the organisation single handedly.

  • In Your Face


    Satire is clearly not your forte! I expected something much more nuanced from a “Colombo elite”.

  • Heshan

    Congratulations to jansee, Niranjan, myself, and all others who successfully predicted the outcome of this election the day that Sarath Fonseka cast his ballot. Speaking for myself, Mahinda is simply a coward who could not face Sarath Fonseka in an open debate. He (Mahinda) is also an opportunist who called early elections for no good reason other than to ride on the wave of support stemming from a war victory that has created more divisions than unity. It will be left to another generation to make amends for all of the divisions that Mahinda has, and will continue, to create. And to pay the debts that he is incurring as a result of his shameless plundering of the island’s wealth.

    Not everything is obvious instantaneously. Cancer can go into remission for decades… then suddenly, it will pop up with a new vengeance. The cancer of nationalism first begun by Anagarika Dharmapala must be faced with an open mind by Lanka before healing can begin. As I said, this election – in fact, the whole charade of Mahinda Chinthanaya and Mahinda himself – is a step backwards. But it is not the final step, by any means.

  • Heshan

    *the day that Sarath Fonseka cast his nomination

  • just another patriot

    lol, All hail the king!

  • Sachi

    Beautifully written. Hope that this opens eyes of the tuling thick-headed thugs in the country.

  • Prasanna

    Dear Nimal Malli

    When I last came to Sri Lanka in 2005 I beseeched you to consider seriously of joining me in Australia or loku nangi in Canada or at least baappa in Maldives, you stood adamant and refused to budge. We are again renewing our call before our motherland turns to another Zimbabwe and your movements getting restricted. Please reconsider your decision for the sake of the kids and their future. Also you are not unaware how ammi feels. Heed to the warnings of a learned man, you know I was never wrong in anything I foretold. Finally let me just add with a sense of palpable sadness, the country I was born and love has now been hijacked and is on a precipice. You need much more than a shawl and a moustache to lead a country. [Edited out] Come here in the next available flight.

    Loku Ayya

  • malaselvi

    I was expected the majority would between 15 to 35 lacks of votes. unp and tna are so determine to sabotage harmony. tna becomes very racial confrontational party and unp’s only agenda is to preserve life time leader of the opposition post for Ranil.
    This is good time to bring hate crime law to ban hate mongering parties.

  • Ravana

    Brilliant sarcasm but wasted I fear. Only 5% of even the 40% would understand it !

  • Sarathg

    I think there is a point. Please make a correction, instead of International communities, say western international communities. When they left (The British) they went because they had to leave. They left the country in a mess. They created a society who were bent towards them, that is the UNP. That is how they created an opportunity ‘to come back and intervene’. When you look at the map of the world you can see the little island of Sri Lanka is at the bottom of India. The sea between India and Sri Lanka is not that deep and most of the shipping takes place south of Sri Lanka. Geographically Sri Lanka is important for the powerful nations. Well that is the secret. Just like in Iraq there were NO WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION you may not find any evidence of so called abuses in Sri Lanka either. Even if they have, this is a democratic country and the Sri Lankans would sort it out themselves.

    The western international bullies should look after their affairs. Give some time to this president before you open your mouths.

  • Sarath (“if only the 60% can understand what you really are saying, sri lanka will be a democratic place to live.”) and Ravana’s (“Brilliant sarcasm but wasted I fear. Only 5% of even the 40% would understand it !”) condescending comments are exactly why Mahinda lost the election and those on the side of Sarath lost it.

    Approaching the rural masses as if we know better what’s good for them and what’s best for their future is a sure election loser. The vanchava and dushanaya and pavul palayanaya means little to them – they know we have always had it and we will always have it: just look at the Bandaranayakes.

    If Fonseka’s advisers – who, no doubt, are from the same set that Ravana and Sarath are from – could have identified what they did want and moved the actual ground level issues – and there are several – to the forefront of the campaign, maybe the numbers would have changed.

    They still wouldn’t have won but, since the less than 40% for Sarath shows they didn’t capture anyone but the already true believers, they may have got closer to 50%

  • Shame on you loku ayya.Iwish you take whole extended family with you too. We need to clean up our Mother Land for Dharma Raja Mahindha to go ahead with Mahinda Chinthana. We do not need colonial tail lickers.

  • priyantha

    careful, careful! somebody might actually quote sentences from your letter and use it on face value. if you believe that the government or the majority can understand the wit or humour of your letter you are yet another ranil/ somawansa or sarath. we are indeed a country that has >90% literacy. the question is what they read and what they understand from it.
    We sri lankans have chosen a leader who truly matches our intelligence, capabilities, attitudes and our gullibility. We probably think like the citizens of iran zimbabwe and congo anyway.
    remember that democracy means that the decisions are made by the majority – doesnt mean that they are right.
    If there was mass rigging, it is for the General to prove it. Until then we think that this is the majority decision and put up with it!

  • Siva

    I quote, from yesterdays article;

    “Douglas, Karuna and Pillayan, with all their guns and their goons couldn’t deliver the East and the North to Mahinda. No one’s really afraid of them anymore”

    An imense important point for the current and future presidents. Ally with people of north and east for a stronger and united SL, not with these goons. Get rid, in a democratic way, of these idiots as well as extreme eliments such as JHU. Put all these goons and JVP members on trial for theier atrocities.

    Open up a ‘truth commission’ to ‘end’ atrocities commited during 83 riots.

    This is the way to go if you want a united SL.

  • jayathilaka

    the commisinerof election himself provides thebest evidence that theelection was manupulated by the government .in his summing speech he claims that the way the government obstructed him carying out duties.opposotion claims that the enthusiasm in the party members is not shown in results.and the people in common have a great amout of suspicion about the outcome

  • polsambola

    …aah juicy.
    “…Your victorious nomination for a second term was gained without the slightest indication of corruption or abuse of power. The state media was never flagrantly exploited by your government for election propaganda despite constant provocation by the independent media backed by evil forces, both local and foreign, out to sully your regime’s integrity. As always, you have stood tall and acted with restraint like a true statesmen. We commend you for rising above the inferior behavior of your adversaries….”

    Yes, Priyantha we ought to use the quotes.. why not? they are already being echoed by 60% of the land.

    One lesson here for the kids (as refered to by Dayan J) If you haven’t got the teeth to bite back when bitten.. don’t bother barking.

  • you have missed out on the journalists. the only country where journalists were not harmed, killed, abducted, media institutions were not bombed out or damaged or the journalists not forced to flee the country at a time terrorism was rampant and the journalists were writing articles on the war effort or the effort of the powers that be in trying to procure arms and other unshady deals of this glorius regime.
    however, the satire is splendidly penned.

  • Frustration

    What exactly the Election Commissioner say on that very day ?

    This below article will bring you the truth ….. at least then one would realize what had been the case

    Sri Lanka’s most controversial and ugliest election ever, the 06th Presidential Election concluded this evening (27th) on a questionable note. The final result was announced by an obviously agitated Elections Commissioner. The Commissioner also chose the occasion to make a speech that analysts said was loaded with meaning and abhorrence of what had been a turbulent task of overseeing a violent election. It was evident, agreed many observers, that his speech was made under duress and contained several areas that gave rise to controversy about the election and its final result.

    Some of the issues raised by him were as follows.

    “Under the empowerment of the Elections Commissioner as indicated in the 17th Amendment to the Constitution, I issued specific guidelines to the state media that were duly ignored. I then installed a Competent Authority for the state media who was completely disregarded. I then met the heads of state media but to no avail. I realized that this was a hopeless cause and so I had the Competent Authority removed.”

    “ I was able to note that during the election, many state institutions operated in a manner not befitting state organisations.”

    “Some blamed me saying that my task was to ensure that the ballot boxes were safe and to ensure that the counting was done right. But under the circumstances I faced today, I could not even ensure the safety of even one ballot box. I did my duties during this time under great duress and mental agony.”

    I hereby state that the situation has reached a dangerous level that is beyond me. I am also advanced in years and have served in this capacity for eight long years so I only ask that I be released from this thankless duty.”

    “It is impossible for me to work in peace under the circumstances – I am constantly under stress and find that I may fall sick and have to face consequences of such an illness.”

    “ Regional leaders harassed my team and I in several areas such as Puttalam, Anuradhapura, Matala Districts , they even bothered the counting centres. This is not a good trend. In fact, it reached an uncontrollable level of verbal abuse directed at Presiding Officers and Asst Elections Commissioners. “

    “ I have been accused of favouring one party in the process of carrying out my duties. I regret that it is no longer possible for me to suffer such indignity and insult – I am not able to do so physically or psychologically.”

    Observers were of the view that the points highlighted by the Elections Commissioner clearly indicated that he has had to announce an election result not in keeping with his conscience, under duress. All we can say is that truth is like a rubber ball in water – it emerges every time you try to suppress it.

  • SeeingPastTheSmoke

    Dayan Jayatilleka,
    You said:
    “One thing that my friend Prof R. Wijesinha will never know, but you folk do, is the answer to the question: ” what does it feel like to be quite so stupid”?”

    But you know the answer to that one, don’t you? Like for example, when you lost favour?

    An academic should know that one can’t ‘see’ history and make out its significance when one is deeply embroiled in it. One needs the distance of time. You see things through the perspective of your own desires. It may, by accident of circumstance, hold true now, but what you foresee for SL’s future henceforth is not what will happen.

  • In Your Face


    You’re still reeling from the defeat, aren’t ya, buddy?

  • Nona

    When my cook asks me “Nona, minissu kiyenawa Janadipathithuma hariyata salli humbukaravanalu…eka eththa kathawakda?” I don’t have to wonder why things happen the way they do in this country and why we have not done much about it. Don’t you guys say nothing about having a cook…I love SL food but I have better things to do than spend 3 hours fixing a decent meal!

  • niranjan


    Thanks for the congratulations. My visits to Sinhala rural areas and one Muslim area before the election convinced me that Mahinda was going to win. I was expecting 53% for MR, but his 57.8% has surpassed all expectations.

  • Groundtruth

    Will it be the same Commisssioner of Elections again for the General Parliamentary Elections? Surely, he needs a break afterall this “free and fair” Presidential election.

  • justitia

    Only Dayan Jayatilleke appears to dislike this brilliant satire.