TASTY CHOCOLATE AIDING TERRORISTS
17 March 2009, Colombo, Sri Lanka: Tasty Chocolate Manufacturers Pvt Limited is being investigated for assisting the LTTE’s aerial attack on Colombo on February 20 according to sources within the security forces. More than ten bars of chocolate were found in the LTTE plane shot down over Katunayake while investigations are being carried out on the wreckage of the second plane which crashed into the Inland Revenue Building to prove that Tasty Chocolate was being carried in both planes.
“That both pilots had Tasty Chocolate shows that the Company is aiding and abetting terrorism” a reliable source from the security division told Banyan Newswire, noting that “We believe the Company provided the LTTE with chocolate as a high energy substitute for the tastier but severely depleted BP-100 rations from the UN.”
Banyan News did try to contact the Tasty Company but their number was engaged so we did not pursue this further as it is a pro-terrorist entity and we are a patriotic news service.
A source from the Ministry of Processed Foods under which confectionary companies fall noted that Tasty Chocolate Company was a legitimate chocolate manufacturer but there had been questions raised over the popularity of its chocolates in the East, prompting investigations into its ingredients for trace elements of cyanide or anthrax.
The source at the Ministry added that there had been no unjustifiable ties between the Minister for Processed Food, Mr. Tilak Peiris and the company. He stated that there is no evidence that Mr Peiris’s youngest daughter’s 18th birthday was sponsored by Tasty Chocolate. “They just gave the Minister lots of chocolates. But we know the Minister is occasionally diabetic and not easily influenced. We don’t think he even ate a single bar.”
News of the investigations sent shock waves among other confectionary companies. “All that is required is for one bad apple and then it’s very difficult to sell the barrel” stated the CEO of a leading chocolate and biscuit company who did not wish to be identified. “We will all be under watch now” he added. Directors of other leading confectionary companies would not comment on the story but informed Banyan News that their patriotism is clearly seen in all their products. Some, they said had the Sri Lankan flag on the wrapper and others were shaped like guns, aimed at developing national fervor among children.
“It is time for all chocolates to be patriotic” said newly appointed Minister for Sweet Snacks, Mithapala Joseph saying that “This attempt to brain wash innocent children and susceptible adults through chocolates needs to be condemned. Terrorism takes various forms. We need to be vigilant against all infiltrating substances, especially darker chocolates”.
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i don’t get it. So all that now required is a chocolate wrap in a terrorists’ pocket to investigate the manufacturer?.
In simple economics,you manufacture to SELL. What if these terrorists and their supporting NGOs and INGOS bought them leagally and shipped them to Vanni?What if some men of CLOTH ,who have allegiance to the terrorists “gifted” them to a “charitable cause”,which in turn so HAPPENED TO BE a terrorist front?.
There are all kind of possible scenarios.
If they were directly involved they should be brought to justice.No question.
But all other possiblities also must be investigated rigourously ,and if found to involved,must be punished equally rigourously.
I don’t get it.
Why can’t governmrnt investigate the manufacturer?
What’s wrong with it?
Police should think of all possible avenues to find out the terrorists linked to the attacked. This has nothing do with patriotism, but of course an investigation.
Did goverment ever say “Tasty Chocolate Company ” belongs to terrorists?
No.. I dont think so.
Goverment has all the rights to do a full investigation and the countrys legal fram work will make the final decision.
hahahaha. ur article had me in stitches. At this time when everyone is complaining and moaning its good to hear the old satirical humour once again. puranappu is stupid plain and simple. he actually thaught this was a real article! man lets hope most sri lankans have at least a few more brain cells than him otherwise the nations economy will truthfully go down the pan!
“In simple economics,you manufacture to SELL” Puranapu the astute businessman here says! He doesnt understand the concept of humour does he? in which case we have to question his astuteness in the first place!
I dont know why we have to keep the memories of traitors like Lasantha and why we release Tissanayagam.Both got money from LTTE ,NGO’s and INGOs. Tissanayagam is a terrorist and Lasantha was prostituiting journalism in the meaning of press freedom.Both are traitors who let LTTE kill innocent civilians. Everybody can see what LTTE done during their reign of terror.No projects except making arms and used all money and support from NGo s just to build a terror state to control their own people without any democracy and by taxing them illegally.
Ashok, two quotes of yours I find particularly “mind boggling” -
“…LTTE kill innocent civilians. Everybody can see what LTTE done during their reign of terror…” and “…just to build a terror state to control their own people without any democracy and by taxing them illegally.”
Let’s do a little compare and contrast exercise shall we?
“LTTE kills innocent civilians.” The Government (all in the name of the “war against terrorism” of course) kills innocent civilians
“LTTE done during their reign of terror” Under the current regime, there is no such thing as a ‘free media’, abductions, killings and torture (again, mostly in the name of warding off terrorism) are rampant, and we’re not completely sure when we leave home in the morning, when or if we’d return. Might this resemble a ‘reign of terror’ to you, Ashok?
“…just to build a terror state to control their own people without any democracy and by taxing them illegally..” – I think that quote is perfect as is, with possibly just one amendment. “…taxing them legally…!”
Oh…and just one more thing…erm…Ashok is it? Just to clear up any doubts you might have on the 2 entities in question here, the LTTE is, in it’s “purest” form, a “terrorist” organization, thus, living up to it’s name and reputation shouldn’t come as such a shock to you. The Government however, MUST be accountable to it’s people, and thus, responsible for their well being! Now that is something you have all the right to be concerned about. Quite evidently though, your “concerns” lie elsewhere. Oh well…to each his/her own i guess… Good luck with that by the way!
Newly appointed Minister for Sweet Snacks. Good one. What is even funnier is that this is the only country in the world where the satirist probably had to look it up first to make sure we really didn’t have a minister for Sweet Snacks. In fact I think I will go and google it myself just to make sure.
Some of the comments to this post, as well as to other recent stories by the hilarious Banyan News Reporters, shows that an alarming number of Sri Lankans completely lack a sense of humour. Are we so depressed and so lacking in imagination that we cannot see satire in anything? Must everything be taken in such glum, serious tones as does the current grumpy head of the government’s Peace (sic) Secretariat?
Here’s an urgent post-War construction project for Sri Lanka: mount a search for the nation’s lost sense of humour, and restore it. Who knows, the government might even appoint a minister for humourous affairs — who would then set about his sombre duties in all seriousness, aided by guards and officials who long ago forgot how to laugh…
ha ha ha. First thing i thought when i read it was, theres no such company! Then, Banyan news reporters!!!? I cant believe that anyone believed this!!! hilarious. And the statement “since we are a patriotic newspaper”. That word “patriotic” is so loaded, man! Ouch!!! ha ha